Friday, February 14, 2020

Newman's Journey - Interactions with Life

The main body of this story/composition is one of my first, after I returned from a few short years in Sydney in 2012. I was by myself, which gave me time to construct a different formation of life. I avoided alcohol, newspapers and television. This gave me a clear state of mind to isolate particular projections from parts of society I moved through. It was interesting, thought provoking and character building. The important aspect was to be aware of the diversity and build on this knowledge for ones-Self future with the focus and aim towards Self Awareness of life processes in its most holistic evolutionary equilibrium.

After I returned I formulated a structure of my thoughts/experiences and this is one result, with some slight adaptations. 

Like all my writing, it is derived from my knowledge base of life (both academic and empirical) and my constant thoughts during life. I never stopped thinking, observing and experiencing diversity.

This gave me the base to formulate ideas and create the necessary comprehension for my writing.

Newman’s Journey is a story of Self-Transformation. I would recommend for everyone to write about your thoughts, as with your thoughts one understands more about Self. I must add though, it is important to study "psychosomatics," as with this knowledge one understands thoughts, and their formation within the body, which in turn communicates with the brain. 

I always write with soft nature sounds combined with soft music in the background. This enters your psyche peacefully and enables one to bring forth the true feelings within Self.

(This is Noted below the Title)

This first section is the introductory story about life surrounding Albert Newman in Australia. Seen through his eyes and mind, whilst travelling on a train in country Australia. It is journey of transformation and development towards an understanding about life. Conveying his feelings within, and his perceptions of a life, that has changed over the years.

Albert realizes now the imperfections of life require an amount of in-depth analysis to reach an understanding about this fragility. Without having this knowledge, he now understands the mental health of life's participants is influenced, unwittingly, by the external stimuli. When confronted with this diversion of self, it has shown a marked trend towards a life that conditions, programmes and controls each participant. This interruption causes a lack of autonomy over one's life and natural pleasures are curtailed, in marked contrast to childhood innocence. If only this innocence could be developed in adulthood and played out as fundamental guidelines to lives. Lives that would give more meaning, compassion, well-being, and harmony within.

Albert reflects: “If this childhood psyche could continue, rather than lost (as adolescence draws a new direction for their future) then a future lost to the destructible world of constraint and misinterpretation could be avoided.” Unfortunately, guidance through adolescence and adulthood is offered by others who have no idea they are also victims - trapped within the crevasses of life's submerged turmoil of swirling waters, that spread mental games down a river with no destination.

Albert now knows the true meaning of life is about innocence, adventure to experience life in its diversity and, most definitely, knowledge about self. Which is obtained by academic and empirical knowledge about how we as humans function in a world of superficial variance.

Unfortunately participants unconsciously follow a societarian conditioning strategy, involving themselves in hierarchy power play to fit within a structure of a monetary world - to survive - and losing control of their inner life, their Being, their Soul.

“We are not who we are but a product of what we have been taught” and Albert deliberates this obvious injustice.

Albert stepped up into the entrance of the country train and made his way to a seat close to the window. Travelling by train has always been peaceful for Albert, where he is able to sit and watch the scenery enter his mind and move slowly like a movie played in front of him. He hoped no-one would sit next to him. His privacy and space is needed at this time. Yet, he always hoped this was the case when he travelled. Having someone sit next to him and exclaim how the weather was outside, their shopping woes, and how their trip wasn't as expected is something Albert cringes from. Were they being polite, or were they lonely? He wonders where these people clone from and whether their life is full of inconsideration's spiralling into a myth of unknown quantities. To Albert though, his aloneness is his saviour. His need for solitude outweighs any need for conversation on a level that has no substance.

He was always happy to get away. Away in his own mind and a life he regards as separate with a new identity.

This disconnection from what he was leaving behind was important. Without separation he could see no reason for life. He has asked himself: “Why is this so?”  A relationship is supposed to be a connective experience based around closeness and dualities isn't it? The reality though, as he has recognised, relationships are between two individuals, with two pasts, two generations of varying complexities, and two lives influenced by different nurturing instincts and beliefs. There is no way a person can feel completely content being enveloped in a relationship, unless of course, total commitment and selflessness is adapted to, which realistically is also denying a person's autonomy and individuality over their life. Albert knows too well, this is not true life, but rather a mythical existence to satisfy society's interpretation of life. It is when both enter their own worlds to find a space which orientates with their individual psyche, where life becomes exceptionally personally satisfying. Life must have a balance and Albert enjoys this balance.

The only variable consideration is if they find someone who is attuned to their psyche - and then similar souls unite.

Albert found this and with the slow whirl of the carriage wheels under him, a tinge of anticipation enters his body and his mind ventures into the world of assimilated souls ahead, and what awaits him, as the journey unfolds.

He's always enjoyed this connection and wonders why the connection is so wondrously fulfilling. How is it possible two people can escape their daily surrounds and join in a deep world without words? A world of touch that sends nerve ending tingles throughout his body. A world where the mind is entangled within a loop of souls moving between invisible air that surrounds them. Where the touch of bodies sends ripples of emotive energy that defies words to explain, and a life forgotten while souls and sexual energy become the present. Life becomes precious during these moments of submerged and connective feelings and life becomes meaningful. Where wanton desires are stretched forward and a pleasurable journey sweeps away all problems.

Albert yearns for this connection until he departs this life. He has never experienced such inner delight in life and it's a life that does not involve any form of external stimuli or mechanistic social activity. It is, as he knows now, a life of pure natural instincts, identified as infinity with soul.

He also recognises life has losses and with these losses comes a particular amount of adjustment, as the psyche of another is influenced by an instability of self, due to a blueprint from the past. Will this influence life’s outcome? Albert observes this and is aware of the complexity. 

As he contemplates the joy of this dualistic union he recognises a life lost through his lack of knowledge about self, where this loss was the main contributor to his past life. Which is why he yearns for this current life to continue and understands also, with great trepidation, that now he has found the truth within life, this vulnerability within Self - will it end one day or will it continue?  His desires are for it to continue. He likens it to the opening of a delicate rose in the morning, enlightened by the feel and touch of a rising sun, willing to enter the opening of the rose, which beckons this need through the melting dew. The intensity of heat reaching the folds of its opening and slowly penetrates, giving life to both, and reaching the depth of the rose's internal desire, energies of delight, and peace - that reach the crescendo within Self - Together - The true meaning of life.

He turns his head towards the gentle movement of the landscape outside, reviews this life and puts the negative thoughts out of his mind, and focuses on the present.  Calmness enters his body with an indicator for the present:  This is life.
The discussion yesterday morning with Reva started with an exclamation about domestic activities around the house.  Reva's demeanour gradually escalated with a mix of tense anxiety, terse words, stress and a mental turmoil that filled the room like a volcanic cloud erupting down the mountain. Calmness and words never seemed to work in this situation. The volatility of these situations becoming more of a turmoil for Albert over the years that have taken their toll on his mental strength. There's no mistaking that one remedy is to wait until the cloud dissipates where eventual calmness opens up to a new identity for Reva, that brings her to the present; the immediate past and problem is then forgotten. Unfortunately though, leaving Albert in a state of confusion and bodily disturbance that lingers for hours.

Different remedies were applied over a long period. Verbal forcefulness has been effective - shocking the escalating stress which overcame the moment, resulting in the recognition of a more concise reality for Reva. Albert has deliberated a reason, analysed solutions and wondered about a life that is more consistent with his Being.

“Why is this so”. He asked himself. “Life is not meant to be this way. It is meant to be peaceful and collaboratory on a level of subdued harmony. It is not meant to be dis-associative or manic upheaval. Life is meant to be better”.

He now knows Reva's ineffectual childhood nurturing, internal family hierarchy power struggles, and continuing stress and anxiety over the years, have all played a part in the eventual continuing collapse of Reva's autonomy over self. Resulting in some extreme cases of “Anxiety Psychosis.” This is debilitating for Albert and has no equilibrium with himself. The only alternative is to get away, and he does.

This is played out in many other lives in our society, and dispels the notion that family ties are, above anything else, important.  Important only, if there is a collaboration of unified understanding and importance of each individual's autonomy in life, where the intentionality exudes towards an individual's expression of self. Understanding this reality seems out of reach for some, directing their attention towards self-ideals and narcissism. Ignoring the simplest form of resolve or acceptance of individuality, collaboratory communication or empathy. Their desires propelled towards their own needs rather than a need for integration to enhance collectively and this is motivated by self interest.

Acceptance of individuality is important.  So is selflessness and Love. Without these ingredients, there can be no resolving mediatory substance within families to keep them functioning on a level of harmony. Hierarchy power struggles are mental controlling insecurities and only warrant distaste in a life that should have more balance.

Albert recognises there is no mistaking the importance of knowledge in these matters - knowledge about Self. There is no mistaking also that the continuing expression of interest in society's inept desire to follow media portrayals of an ideal life has contributed to a succession of undesirable and inconsistent patterns of mental instability. These effects having a priming influence on the individuals, who continue to watch and consume this relatively shallow world of directive expectations. It is the addictive response to expectations that is the cause of many other ailments associated with anxiety and stress. Reva and immediate family, and other families, have been consumed unwittingly by this false world of idealistic expression and suffer the mental consequences of this upheaval.

Albert considers a change and that freedom always unfolds as he enters the train.

(Warning - Explicit Sexual Content)

Seated comfortably for his journey, Albert turns his head and notices a woman sitting hunched over on a seat to his left, engulfed in a world associated with electronic media, fingers moving sideways and vertically over a screen with multiple applications and interests. With her eyes fixed on the contents she selects a function and using two fingers, fervently creates letters upon the screen. Why is it that so many cannot just sit and explore life through their eyes and mind, creating wonderlands of explorations and vivid monopolies of self-expression?  Their continual need for electronic and visual media stimuli is blocking their inner creativity and expression of self. 

He considers our western society's need for stimulus, captured in a world of active participation, with no space to sit and think out the consequences. Actively seeking other diversions to give them a security of self and hopefully the ability to be free of burdens. Burdens that trouble them in times of solitude. “Solitude is Self”, he exclaims to himself, and solitude is where the heart finds depth and purposefulness within self, which transcends all frantic media and electronic diversions. It can be self-taught but this aptitude is not sought. The attribute is therefore lost.

She continues facing a screen oblivious to her surroundings, momentarily pausing to grasp another thought, and continues feverously. What is she looking for? Another encounter? Or more meaning to her life - if she receives an answer that makes her smile? Or maybe a connection that she has missed during her days of confinement and obedience within a job that gives her no pleasure? A life of servitude that is only warranted to pay bills, and the pleasures she believes can be derived from materialism.

The train slowly decreases speed and she looks up. Is this my station she thinks? After noticing the platform sign she wraps her screen with a leather cover and strap, places it in her handbag which she lifts to her shoulder and stands up. It is then Albert's breath is taken away, like a pleasant aroma. He notices her comfortable size, voluptuous sensitivity, soft and inviting, with ample breasts that move slightly under a white low cut fragile blouse. The blouse stretches across breasts that defy gravity, moving suggestively like playing a tune on an invisible keyboard that visually stirs the protruding papilla with delight.

The depth of her is somewhat awe-inspiring as she climbs up the four stairs towards the exit doors, her buttocks protected by a short soft and light skirt that dances with hundreds of small yellow and red printed flowers, playing a game with her upper legs, legs that slowly move upward and under her skirt. A skirt that delicately moves seductively with an unfelt breeze, teasing and manipulating her inviting legs for touch, where imaginary hands roam gently upward towards the soft folds of delicate damp wanton sensuality. A touch which would bring a soft moan of approval from her lips and her present world would disappear into her dominion of pleasure – bringing a truer meaning to her existence. His thoughts intertwine with his growing arousal, and has to adjust his position on the seat. It is a delight he ventures into, focusing on feeling her dampness, her desire for touch and the wanton need of being filled with his excitement.

She turns around and looks directly in Albert's direction. Had she sensed his thoughts, his desire for touch, or had she recognized that her demeanour and energy had rustled with someone close and looked around instinctively to find something she had felt. Albert does not move, his gaze meets her eyes and they momentarily exchange an energy that transports souls within.  She quietly moves out of view and the moment is held in his mind, with a desire that remains embedded within.

He remembers now how these curvaceous movements of a woman can arouse his inner self, reaching his desire of expression below, rising like a sun entering the morning landscape and looks forward with anticipation towards the immediate future.

Many years ago Albert decided to make a decision, as nothing appeared to work with his current relationship. Balancing his life around Reva was not working and it was time to seek the true meaning of a life he felt, yet couldn't distinguish, because of the continuous mental turmoil that surrounded him. He wanted peace, wanted to know what life was like without instability, and realized the only way was some kind of solitude. Responsibility still weighed on his conscience so the only way was to provide a sense of security for Reva and at the same time explore his desire to find contentment without mental disorder.

Leaving Reva was not a hard decision as it was the optimum choice of the two alternatives. Stay and live a life that mentally destabilised his existence making him continually unbalanced, or leave and find a life that he could sense, but had never had the opportunity to explore.  He initiated an understanding for her and continued to plan for personal liberty.

In years previous, leaving for a coastal destination was Albert's destiny. He liked the coastal lifestyle, with peaceful water that stretched for miles out to sea, where time seemed to travel to endless destinations. Rain that fell and breathed life into the ground. Humidity floating the mind, mild temperatures making his skin breath, wildlife speaking endless words on a peaceful day and the only noise he heard were his thoughts. Noise is not an apt word. His thoughts were his friends, his inner self conveying communicative words that soothed his soul and gave him solace in a mechanical societarian world he did not relate to on an emotional and intellectual level.

Experimenting with marijuana many years ago showed him how his mind could venture in another way,  providing a deviating altered state.  Always conscious of its detrimental effects on his body and mind he limited his intake so as not to lose complete control over his world. It was a journey that provided him with an insight into Self on a different level and realm. It was not long when he decided this journey was not appealing to his stable psyche. Three days after intake, slight paranoia entered his mind and caused untold trauma with mental anguish that instilled a sense of lack of control over his life. It was time to stop and he never ventured into that world again.

The coast lifestyle gave him an opportunity to sit and feel the gentle coastal breeze, providing a soothing touch around his face and body. Sitting on a grassy outcrop adjacent to the beach he could see the sea shore 20 metres in front of him. Listening to the gentle breaking of small waves on the sand. They moved slowly up the sandy beach and then dispersed back. He could sense the water relaying a story to the sand as it dissolved on the surface and then reaching back to more depth, it continued again, making different pathways as it ventured a little higher on the sandy surface.

It was a mild warm day, enough to feel relaxed without extreme heat and without a coastal breeze that could torment his mind on a windy day. The day was perfect for solace and reflection.  It was a time for change and this day was perfect for his mental stability.

He wondered about the many that preferred to frequent the local shopping centre on these days. Looking for happiness by acquiring a product that gives instant gratification for a few hours, arriving home to congratulate themselves with an alcoholic toast, and then just a few hours later, or the next day, succumb to the lows of a depressive episode that engulfs them like a black cloud. The high of gratification is over, leaving a void that needs to be filled again. Continually repeating the procedure on other occasions, where a life is lived within a continuous negative mental loop.  An addiction that must be fed for them to feel wanted, needed, fulfilled and worthwhile, where all correlations relate to an obsession with self-need.

He struggles at times with this knowledge. How can people be so blind to the existence they so strive to keep. Wanton needs for materials that don't feel and are discarded at a moment's notice.  The unrealism they have been taught to behave this way through media and years of conditioning.  When the alternatives of learning about why they behave, and why and how they operate as humans, is not even considered. Preferring to unconsciously follow repeated patterns of addictions and using repeated patterns of unfulfillment that follow their lives like a dark shadow haunting their minds, where alcohol and prescription drugs numb this unfulfilled life.

Albert feels happy to be away from these troubled souls, settling down to explore his inner identity. Knowing it's related to what he sees and feels on this soothing day - Nature. Unaware that the years to follow will test his serenity and his patience, while at the same time give him utmost joy in finding more meaning to life.

(Warning - Explicit Sexual Content)

Albert reached to his left, found the seat adjustment handle and pulled it back so his seat would recline to 45 degrees. He settled himself in a comfortable lying position, closed his eyes, and inhaled the quiet sound of the train's wheels under him. His mind started to wander and it took him back to the town he started this life's journey - as a young person experiencing life in its most wondrous natural way.

He remembered the pathway was worn after many years of pounding feet scratching the surface grass down to a hard fine gravel surface. As he walked, the small trees to his right extended their arms above him where at times he had to duck under, feeling the leaves moving on his head. He liked the feeling. It was like they were talking to him and saying they enjoyed being here also. The hedge on his left was 5 feet high, thick and well kept, and where he could just see the heritage home still majestically positioned in the same position from years ago. It provided serenity to the moment, adding its mark on life like a monumental exclamation.

After many years away he was back and reliving these moments in history from his childhood. He was on his way to the river. A river that provided fun and happiness as he grew up in this country town. Offering a life with no expectations. A life without the necessities of today, without distractions of media advertising; without the pressure of conforming, and without the stress of materialism. This life provided him guidance in its most serene simplicity – with nature.

He arrived and sat on the river bank and recalled many moments of activities that strengthened his young mind with the understanding of self.

In particular, one moment, while he was sitting on the bank, hidden out of view by the willow trees that hung behind him, providing a curtain of privacy away from any prying eyes. Dressed only in his swimmers, he had placed his towel on the ground to sit. These private moments always brought a sense of excitement to him. Was it the privacy or was it he was just in touch with the wonderment of nature? He was already slightly aroused and instinctively moved his hand inside the top elastic of his swimmers and brought his erection to view. His hand clasped the excitement and slowly pulled back the foreskin to enhance the feeling of pleasure. He enjoyed watching himself this way. His hand around the shaft that was ample in his palm. He felt a little proud of its breadth, filling his hand and as he pulled down the shaft exposing the head, with a generous length of his erection, still visible above his hand.

He had viewed other boys at a scout camp masturbating in group formation and found his erection was noticeably visually fuller. He felt a sense of pleasure in this knowledge. It was joyous and free and he moved his hand slowly up and down his erection, letting his foreskin move over the head and then fully exposed as his hand moved down. The feeling was divine, and brought a sense of serenity within his soul, a desire that sent exciting feelings throughout his body. With eyes closed he felt the strength of this moment. His penis felt good in these surroundings and the natural presence responded to his desire. 

He was then startled by the movement of the hanging branches of the willow tree behind him. He hurriedly pulled his swimmers over his erection as a friend appeared. Still startled, he stood up, forgetting his erection was prominently visible, pushing horizontally out and towards his friend.

She was a pretty girl and slightly older than Albert. Her eyes quite distinctively focused on his stretched speedo swimmers.  She discarded a towel that hung over her shoulders and placed it on the ground with his and sat down. Albert joined her, sitting with his legs bend towards his body and together, with his arms wrapped around his knees to hide his erection, which still maintained its hard presence. They talked about school, the weather, friend's activities and the approaching school holidays. 

Uncomfortable in this position he decided to sit with his legs outspread and his hands on the ground behind him. This provided a distinct view of his hardness under his swimmers. His erection was still very hard and this position pushed the elastic of his speedos above his torso enabling a more than prominent view of the lower portion of his shaft to be exposed. He was pleasantly surprised, but also excited that this visual had unfolded in front of his friend. He also felt more comfortable and relaxed with the knowledge he was aroused in her presence.

He turned to face her again and noticed her eyes were focused on his erection. Quietly taking in the partial view of his shaft and the ample extent of his erection that forced his speedos towards her body.

Her eyes stayed there long enough for Albert to look at her desirable features, and understandably now, why his erection maintained its hardness. She was dressed in thin tight full body dark blue swimmers, which accentuated her voluptuous body, that formed pleasant terrains under her attire. With marked and prominent nipples pushing against the tight soft thin material. Albert found himself transfixed on these forms of flesh, covered in the tight thin material, and as yet to his young self, unknown forms in life. He was surprised by his boldness of vision but did not look away. He was increasingly becoming more excited. His erection was feeling a sense of wanton and release. It was then that he noticed she wasn’t talking anymore but looking at his face. Their eyes met and she suddenly stood up. Albert slowly followed and they faced each other.

No words were exchanged. Only a mutual desire to take this moment further. The excitement Albert felt was intense. Their bodies were expelling sexuality at the utmost desire of nature. She moved closer in front of him and reached out a hand to softly feel his displayed excitement through his swimmers, sending millions of pleasurable nerve tingles throughout his body. In the next breath she let go and with both hands pulled the top of his swimmers down and to his ankles, exposing his excited erection to her gaze and close to her face as she moved down. It brought a smile to her face as she momentarily looked. She stood up and their eyes met with favourable approval.

Her hand enveloped around Albert's excited zone, pulling slowly and gently forward and back, his foreskin moved over the head and then down the shaft to expose his most sensitive area, creating an array of excitement. He gently shuddered with excited nervous energy that explored his whole body and mind. This sensation was giving new meaning to life. A life he now knew is a life he connects to and didn’t want to end.

Albert moved his eyes up to see her face looking down at the movement of her hand. He reached over and slowly eased her straps from her swimmers and down her arms. She momentarily let go and reached up to pull the last remaining threads over her whole body and stepped out of her swimmers. The view took his breath away. What a wonderful sight. A sight that he could never have imagined. Her breasts slightly moved in front of his eyes and the movement teased like an exotic dance, with prominent nipples that beckoned his touch. Her hand reached down again, continuing with the slow movement on his erection, that made his eyes close with moisture. A slow moan escaped his mouth.

Opening his eyes slowly he fixed his vision on her body. Ultimate soft and caressing skin searched through his eyes which entered deep into his senses. He looked further and saw a slight smooth crevasse between her legs. Captivated, he reached his hand down and ran his finger along the crease. She opened her legs to allow his finger entrance and Albert felt soft dampness and an open soft formation of skin and a delicate bump that made her jump slightly. She moved her legs further apart and with eyes closed, let out a soft moan of approval. Albert continued with this enjoyment and felt a need that swelled up. A feeling he was desired.

His other hand reached up and with palms placed on the tips, and the full bodied form behind, he softly caressed the skin under his palms. He watched her eyes close again, as his finger slid over her now larger bump; a delicacy that had grown with his touch. Her head moved slightly back, a moan escaped her lips, and her eyes returned to watch her soft hand slowly pulling forward and back over his excited and hard erection. Her body tingled under his palms, and sent messages of approval through his hands and arms, around his body and towards his soul. Their souls now joined in the most spiritual energized delectable fashion, intertwining with an invisible force of tender vibrations, which made them both speechless.

With his hand moving and his fingers exploring gently between her legs, he could feel her energy expelling into his fingers and lines of senses creating pathways of desire on his palms as they moved over her nipples. Her raised tips rising to the occasion and exclaiming excited energy. The moisture between her legs was soft and the lips surrounding were opening more to his touch. Her hand on his excited region was gathering a more deeper sensory touch now, causing it to gain strength and breadth along his shaft, making his heart skip a beat. His breath became labored. Increased exciting intensity was taking over his body, rising up from his toes to his mind and beyond.

Like a flow of sensual adrenaline forming larger worlds within, they continued with their natural sensual connection. Her breath was gaining momentum, her legs moved further apart, allowing his fingers to move in gentle circular motions while the wetness of her desires increased. The openness developing a needy wanton inclusive touch from him. Albert now used four fingers to explore her excited and wet area, her bump now rising to a size that accentuated outward within her soft pliable and pleasurable folds of excitable skin; so wet, his fingers flowed over the surface with ease and brought continuous heightened desire to her pleasure. The feeling for both was amazing, where bodies expelled parallel desires, where hands and fingers caressed, played and found new meaning to life. Where life was nature and nature was self, and where both felt these moments of intense delight and fulfillment.

It happened like a water spout horizontally exploding with unlimited force that shot warm fluid over her hand and upper wrist. He held onto her desirable wet softness between her legs causing his fingers to move inside. His other hand exploring on her soft breast. His continued muscle spasms pounded like uncontrollable pulses around her hand and fingers, projecting more exclamations of pleasure in her palm and upper wrist, creating contoured lines, appearing like enlightened seeds, along her wrist, seeking a home to bring more pleasure of life. He thrust forward and back within her clasp.

She then she let out a deep moan. Her body moved slightly forward, her torso moving back and forth on his fingers and hand. Using all his fingers now, she rubbed back and forth on his hand until she exclaimed a loader moan, followed by shudders, jerking her body in different swirls of motion on his fingers, all the while moving back and forward with more intensity on Albert’s still hard penis. Her eyes brightened, and smiled in unison with her lips. Their eyes sparkling, with a tint of moisture filling their world with emotion. It was a glee that something wonderful had just happened, a wonderful aroma of connected souls and life, a closeness reached, enjoyed and embraced. Her intensity continued until her legs clasped together with a sudden movement over Albert’s hand. They stood there for a moment, still holding each other. Steady, quiet, smiling, wet. Eyes showing approval, and an ineffable energy. 

This tender and most electrifying moment brought them both together. An inspiring experience which showed them the real meaning of life – pleasure and innocence – all rolled together in what Albert's now knows is the natural meaning of life.

A life which commences a wonderful future for them both. Where both their worlds would be opened, experiencing the same electrifying and most pleasurable times that were experienced. A world of innocence and unabridged reality towards a life that connects natural reality with our soul. A unity pleasure that brought both together.

They had reached a state of Natural Self with Nature. A desire for both that was experienced in its most desirable and natural way.

They stood facing one another, Albert’s hands on her breasts now, hers still around his penis. She reached down and placed her other hand under his penis and around his testicles, gently massaging both, his ample fluids providing a soft lubricant within both her palms, to massage his whole region of desirable senses. It was sublime and glorious. He had not felt anything like this and he revelled in its pleasure. Albert moved his hands around her breasts, gently feeling the softness.

They looked again at each other and smiled. They moved closer, body’s touching and both moved to each others lips and gently kissed. Mouths opened slightly, tongues seeking each other, moving lips and tongues in unison. The pleasure was delectable. Mouth moisture now adding to the senses. They embraced, mouths still exploring together, in an ever so gently way. They reached a state of connective warmth. They gently broke free with arms still embracing, looking at each other. A smile entered both their faces with an awareness they will both remember - the Spirit of Nature and Self.

Albert opened his eyes and noticed the train had stopped. People were disembarking, while others made their way up the aisle looking for their allocated numbered seat. After placing hand luggage above their seat, they sat down just as the train started moving. Albert looked around with disinterest, positioning his head again in a comfortable position and closed his eyes. He remembered a time just a few years ago.……

Albert woke to the shrilling sound of trumpets. Reaching down on the floor to his left he found the side button on his phone and the trumpets stopped. It was 4.30am. Dark outside except for the street lights below his open window. Swinging his legs off the bed and putting the phone on the table, switching the light on, he straightened the doona, lifted up the end frame of the sofa bed, folded it towards the front and locked it into place. Placing the two cushions on the sofa, he sat down momentarily to rub his face, attempting to wake from his deep sleep just 2 minutes ago.

Washing his face in the bathroom, he then put on his dark blue work trousers, blue singlet and blue work shirt. Pulling the belt on his trousers to its last hole he noticed he was losing more weight from the heavy work performed on the construction site. From the fridge he placed the re-made three ham and salad rolls in his backpack, and two bowls of fruit while the jug boiled. One for morning break, one for lunch and one for breakfast. Eaten when he arrived at the worksite at 6.30am. Making his thermos of coffee after the jug boiled, he found a side place for it to stand up in his back pack. After mixing his warm milk drink he sat on the sofa to enjoy the warmth and relax for 5 minutes before he walked out the door.

His unit was small. Five paces long and three wide. A small kitchen you could just turn around in and a bathroom just as small. The unit was perfect for Albert and priced right for his budget. The window overlooked a large tree with the quiet street one floor down on his right. He enjoyed the compactness of the unit and even though it was in close proximity to the city, this area had a tranquil country feel where he could listen to the birds calling each other during the early mornings.

Putting his worn steel capped work boots on, tying the laces tight, he swung the backpack over one shoulder and made his way out the door and down the hallway to the street below. It was only a 4 minute walk to the station and up a slight hill with high rise units both sides of the street. Walking past the local park he could now hear the revellers in town.  Even at 5am their lively chatter broke the morning quietness and breathed life to an approaching rising sun. Walking up the main thoroughfare, taxis were bumper to bumper waiting for customers, people inebriated and laughing, walking, talking, with neon signs flashing enticingly. The place was alive and kicking with excitement.

He had 5 minutes to sit on a street bench seat and always watched the activity before entering the train station. Girls were enticing early morning high testosterone men to join them upstairs for a last minute gush of adrenalin before they went home. A couple made their way up the stairs to a sex shop. Her skirt black, short and tight inching its way up her long legs. With high heeled shoes, she moved up the stairs; legs stopping at the g-string underwear, leaving very little to any imagination. Just before the door archway blocked his view, her partner placed his hand on her buttock with a finger edging its way along the G-string crevasse. Albert loved this moment - a moment of relaxation before catching the train; gazing into a world which offered a variety of lifestyles, dress styles, and a life that was separate to general suburbia - which only offered restrictive and conforming lifestyles. He stands, turns towards the station entrance to begin his train journey, followed by 2 buses, taking him to his work site 1 hour away.

With the sun creating faint rays of life over the horizon, he unlocks the steel chain around the steel grilled front gate, pulls it aside, and locks it again from the inside. He makes his way to the portable office, unlocks the door, puts the light on, places his meals in the fridge and settles down to a sandwich and coffee before he slips on his hi-visibility orange vest, hard hat, gloves and safety glasses. At 7am the gates are unlocked and everyone arrives.

Days were always busy. Trucks coming and going with building material and tradesmen moving constantly around the site; with inductions and sign-ins before the new arrivals could commence work. Albert's job was site control and safety, administration, and in-between physical work. It was mentally difficult, continually confronting workers to change their work practices and abide by safety rules. A certain amount of self-discipline and fitness was required to complete his job with success. At times it required a lot of arm waving, swear words and voice confrontation and intimidation to get his message across - especially the workers who couldn't understand English.

Plan reading, calculating site levels, marking grid lines ready for excavation machinery. Dust, dirt, grime, mud, rain, heat, sweat, muscle debility, legs almost collapsing from fatigue. Continuous lifting, walking and moving was incessant. Cement trucks arriving, spilling their momentum of cement mix into the belly of large concrete pumping trucks, which forced its load out through extended tentacles of steel channels, like a continuous spew of grey waste, that buried areas of steel form-work on the ground. Splashing gum booted workers, hurriedly shovelling the contents into free areas before it dried like a lava flow spent. Cranes lifting large steel roof frame girders onto the upper story, with a driver manipulating black knobs attached to steel rods similar to Dr Who dialects head detectors. Shovels, picks, climbing ladders and continually climbing scaffolding stairs like a hungry dog scavenging for left-over food on each floor. Steel grinding where the only relief was through ear plugs. The shrill and deafening sound of brick cutting which sent shock waves of torment through your body.

Bob cats moving dirt and fill with their 'beep beep' reversing signals echoing annoyingly around the site, stopping again while moving forward, and continuing again moving backward. Like the high torturous sound of a caught bird under its tyres. Truck mounted post hole diggers, digging deep foundations into unexplored earth searching for unknown treasures. Backhoes forcing hardened steel teeth attached to a steel bucket mouth clawing out soil like a hungry dinosaur searching for buried food.  Highway traffic control forcing annoyed motorists to curse and stop their journey towards an unimportant destination, and an irritating wait while trucks moved in and out of the site.  All just part of many days activity on Albert's construction site - continuous until 3.30pm. He prided himself on this ability to continue, as he noticed men half his age were feeling the strain and found it difficult to keep up the pace.

After 2 years and sweltering work through two hot summers of up to 40 degree heat, where eyes became blurred, sweat forming like a river on his skin and continuous drinking to avoid dehydration, he had enough. Not able to face another summer he decided to leave before the 3rd summer approached. Deciding to hang up his hard-hat on a career where he obtained a lot of enjoyment, mixed up with a lot of mental turmoil, physical exhaustion, yet an insight into the world of brutal business tactics to gain profits through manipulative and intimidation manoeuvres.

A world he now can look back on and learn from, and not venture into this insecure and hardened environment where money rules over well-being. Where emotions are suppressed in favour of aggressive and hardened nerves and minds twisted in favour of hierarchy favours that repress individualities. A world of profiteering that favours the corporations and high end businesses that control. An industry that is built by your next door neighbour, who is screwed down to bare monetary operational levels by the controlling influence of big business corporations.

In hindsight, this was an important part of Albert's journey of transformation. A part of life that gave him inside knowledge and another insight in life, providing him with wisdom that could not be surpassed. It was a life mixed with personal anguish, enjoyment, achievements and comradery. This life provided him with the mental tools to view life from another dimension and the catalyst for understanding life from another perspective.

Albert knows now, without this portion of his life, life would not be as fulfilling today. He would not be Albert as he knows himself today and would not be able to view life holistically with an awareness that gives life meaning.

He muses: "We all need diversity otherwise our lives are ruled by unconscious repetitive mundane daily movements that persist in making lives the same. Where wisdom becomes out of reach and small daily chores become highlights within a world of mediocrity A humdrum life that seeks control through simplistic activities to provide only a forgotten hint of desired fulfilment." 

Should we sit and let life swirl around us, content in the safety of our own captive domain? Or should we wake up each day and say: “What can I do that is fulfilling for my soul?” A life that is not pre-determined but a life that expands our minds psychosomatically and leads us to untold and unchartered territory of knowledge. A life that enters the realm of a journey to wisdom and an understanding about ourselves within - a life that ultimately becomes us.

Albert knows it is up to each of us to question our present reality and whether it is a life of fulfillment or a life of existence. Without these questions we do not change, explore, grow or understand and at the end of our life we will say: “What happened?” 

Albert knows his life won't end like that.

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(c) Mitchell Zen

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